I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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