There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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