At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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