I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
