you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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