If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
