if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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