I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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