I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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