Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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