She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
