We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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