jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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