Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
