It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
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I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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