he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
