Will you blow on my dice?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
