I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
