a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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