Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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