The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
