I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
