you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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