Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
