question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
