Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
