I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Green mimosas i think yes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My ass is underappreciated
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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