Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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