My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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