Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
