that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
