just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
