its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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