I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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