imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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