You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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