I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
