i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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