So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
