I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
