so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
