My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
