I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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