you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
