fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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