Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
