I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
