i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize