i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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