Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
