they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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