He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
