if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
