Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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