it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
