Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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