I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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