Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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