I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
