Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
