I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
