Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
