i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize