so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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