The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
